I realize that some people might consider this article self-indulgent, conceited or just plain snobby… but I am going to write it anyway. These are the things pretty, confident girls deal with on a daily basis and I think I can speak for all of us when I say… it’s unfair. And it sucks. BUT! There’s good news! Think of all these shallow and silly judgments and assumptions as opportunities! They are opportunities to pleasantly surprise people. & who doesn’t like pleasant surprises?!
Disclaimer! These are just some personal observations I’ve made based on experiences I’ve had. It is not intended to generalize women or men as a whole or to offend anyone. This is just my perception and I hope some awesome ladies and smart guys out there can take something from this, there are little tokens of advice for both girls and guys littered throughout.
People don’t want to be your friend – this is a two-parter.
Girls who meet you don’t want to be your friend because they see you as competition. That itself is another rant for another day, but I used to be one of those competitive, catty, jealous girls and have since grown up and realized that I will never be the prettiest, smartest, coolest or most talented person… I’ve just learned to embrace my unique awesomeness and be myself. Chicks as a whole do not feel this way, which I think is a shame. When I see a pretty girl on the street I totally check her out, and in my head think “damn!”, or if a girl has a cute outfit on and I have the chance, I’ll genuinely compliment her. Why don’t we all do this?! There is no reason to hate on other pretty girls. We’re all pretty in our own way and there are guys out there who like you better, and guys who like me better. It doesn’t matter! If you’re a confident, cool person on the inside, your beauty will become transparent and you won’t have to worry about your looks. I’m not saying don’t take pride in your appearance… absolutely do that. I’m just saying… confidence is the best accessory anyone can have. If you’re confident in yourself, you won’t feel threatened by other people who may have desirable qualities.
Guys who meet you don’t want to be your friend because they either want to get in your pants or they want to fall in love and have this crazy, magical relationship right off the bat. My advice to all you nice boys out there – slow the FUCK down! I get that pretty, cool, funny & smart girls are rare, and when you find one you want to keep her around… but the best way to push one of those girls away is to smother her and take away all the intrigue. Be her friend! Women in general value friendship in every relationship, whether it’s platonic, professional or romantic… friendship is the foundation of any successful relationship. When (most) guys get it in their head that they want something, they turn into stubborn bulls and start throwing out ultimatums – all or nothing scenarios that aren’t ideal for anyone involved. So let me get this straight – you really like this girl. You want to date her. She isn’t looking for anything serious or says she just wants to be friends. If you really like her, is it fair to say that you want her to be in your life? Maybe you have to let go of your hopes of a relationship and just be there for her as a friend. If you want her in your life so bad, why wouldn’t you want her to be in your life as a friend? It makes no sense to me. I understand that having stronger feelings for someone can make a friendship hard, trust me, I’ve been there. But in my experience, and maybe it’s just a girl thing… I would rather have that person in my life as a friend than nothing at all.
People assume you’re a snob
We’re all guilty of this at one time or another – we see a really good-looking person walking down the street and immediately think “whoa, that person must be an asshole.” Because no one can be beautiful AND nice! I call bullshit. Some of the most fantastic, humble, talented, smart and amazing people I know just happen to be perfect tens. Is it their fault they were born beautiful? Why should they be judged and written off as a snob just because of their looks? Maybe try talking to them before you make a snap judgment like that. Just because someone doesn’t exert themselves the same way you do doesn’t mean they are mean or that they have any sort of cruel intentions. Some people are introverted or just plain shy! There is no reason to judge someone because they were quiet at a party all night. Some of the most fun nights I’ve had at parties were spent observing people from the sidelines. Actually, it’s usually the quiet ones who are the most interesting once you take the time to get to know them.
People assume you got where you are because of your looks
Of course this does happen in certain situations, but for the most part, and for any respectable or ambitious girls out there – we have to work to achieve our goals and get to the places we want to be. When someone asks what’s new, or what do you do, and you have an exciting achievement or that big promotion to tell them about, isn’t it the worst when they roll their eyes or make some sort of comment under their breath either belittling you for some reason, or making some crazy, rash assumption that the only reason you achieved that milestone was because of your physical appearance? Obviously there are some exceptions to this, and some girls have made a bad name for the rest of us – but in this article I’m speaking to fellow confident, pretty and awesome girls who work hard and play hard. We achieve the things we achieve through dedication, hard work and ambition. We could look like anyone else and still achieve these things. It’s all in the attitude. So basically what I’m saying here is… a big fuck you to anyone who thinks you got where you are based on a trivial, petty thing like your appearance.
People look at you weird for being single
“There’s no way you should be single – you’re so pretty!” Umm… well excuse me. I am choosing to be single because I haven’t been swept away yet, or maybe I have been, but the timing was wrong. I’m not going to apologize for putting myself and my career before a relationship and I sure as hell don’t feel the need to justify my need to create my own nest and my own life before I get myself into a relationship. Dating is fun! Ladies… enjoy it! Who cares what people think. If you meet someone that you connect with, just go with it. Do things you regret in order to learn valuable lessons. Don’t settle! If people have a problem with the fact that you’re a beautiful girl, single at 25… fuck them.
The only frequent compliments you receive are based on your appearance
Of course all girls (and guys too!) enjoy being complimented on their appearance. It’s always nice when someone tells you you’re pretty. But the real, meaningful compliments are the ones that speak to your inner self and personality. Maybe I’m just speaking for myself here, but I don’t think so. The compliments that really stick with me are the ones where people tell me I’m funny, smart, cool… whatever. Being called pretty or hot or even the more lavish terms like stunning or gorgeous are nice… but they’re only skin-deep and you can bet you probably wouldn’t stop me on the street after a weekend of camping and call me stunning… but no matter how dirty, grimy, sick or tired I am… the core of who I am doesn’t change. If you think a girl is really amazing, for more reasons than just the physical ones… tell her. Being called smart or funny are infinitely more meaningful than being called pretty. Beauty fades… intelligence, wit, talent… those are the things that make us who we are as people.
People try and protect you at rock shows
Okay I think I’m a bit of an anomaly on this one, but I’m sure there are some rocker chicks out there that can relate. It drives me absolutely crazy when I’m at a rock, metal or punk show, having a good time in the mosh pit when some guy thinks he’s being nice and puts his arm around me and tries to shelter me from the madness. I really appreciate the sentiment and I know I don’t appear to be the type who can hold her own in the middle of a mosh pit… but the sole fact that I’m IN THE MIDDLE OF A MOSH PIT, should speak for itself. I am 100% aware that I can and probably will get hurt, but that is a risk that I’m willing to take… obviously… if I’m voluntarily in the middle of the sweaty, smelly mess of boys jumping around like lunatics. It’s not a pretty place to be… but I love the adrenaline rush of a mosh pit just like you do. Just leave me to enjoy it, and I’ll put ice on my black eye tomorrow… I promise.
In conclusion, people always go on and on about how it’s so easy to be a pretty girl and hey, I’ll admit there are some things that are pretty damn awesome. These are just some of the things that I’ve noticed that are less than awesome, but if spun in the right way can act as the perfect way to surprise people and get in touch with your inner goddess. Who cares what people think? I sure as hell don’t! The only reason I wrote this article is to try and convey this state of mind to all the beautiful, smart, confident, funny women out there who have experienced these things and been hurt by them. Thanks so much for reading, if you got this far!
& of course, I thought I’d finish off with a little song for the ladies. I find this to be probably THE best girl-power song out there.